Subject to Change

Breathe in. Breathe out. We didn't have to check in at the hospital today. The plane ticket is purchased and Jon's mom will arrive on Saturday. We are heading to the hospital to be admitted on Sunday and Jacob will be there several days. We have been assured that there will be plenty of people to help us understand each step and answer all our questions. That will be good because it doesn't make much sense to me to be admitted on Sunday if they aren't doing any procedures until Monday. He may not even get the chemo treatment until Tuesday and then he'll be monitored to 48 hours before he can return home.

On the way home from swim lessons today James asked me if I did crazy stuff when I was a teenager. I thought for a moment, "No. I was pretty boring. I was usually responsible, dependable, and followed the rules. I never tried drugs or cigarettes. I worked hard in school and didn't miss class on purpose more than a couple times."

I'm still kind of boring. I like things scheduled. I like being in charge. I'm very reliable and I do what's required without taking shortcuts. Sometimes these attributes are a blessing and sometimes a curse.

It's hard for me to be on somebody else's schedule. I'll adapt better once somebody draws me a larger picture of their medical ways. I can follow their rules. I'm teachable. I can even force myself to be patient, but I probably still won't like it. It will be difficult for me to walk a course full of abstracts where everything is subject to change. I always look for the absolutes. Thankfully some things never change. And thankfully some things always do.