"The Luckiest" & Singing LUCKY SEVEN

Last January I found a song that became my daily mantra. It's called "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds.

At the time I felt anything but lucky. But I made myself listen to the song each day in an effort to convince myself that I was truly blessed. I had miscarried just before Christmas and the heartache was still SO heavy - and so was I. I kept an extra 15 pounds from that horrible experience that hung around my barren belly for months.

My dearest friend of 8 1/2 years suddenly and surprisingly announced that they were moving (not down the street, but across the country). It was a 10 day escrow and even though those were ten of my longest days, it all happened too fast.

Add to that my release from a calling that I LOVED - Young Women's President. I had served for two years and three years before that as 1st Counselor. It was time for me to come home to my family and rest from the incredible responsibility, but it was a transition that set me into a tailspin. I thrive in leadership and responsibility. I like being involved and knowing what is going on. Becoming a nursery leader in my daughter's class felt very isolating.

So I was going through tough changes in triplicate. My husband Jon tried to be supportive. He waded through my tears, confusion, self-doubt, and loneliness. Daily I was in hand-to-hand combat with depression and discouragement. I fought hard and held on to God's hope that I am blessed, one of the luckiest. I had a good husband, three beautiful children, a Disneyland annual passport :), beautiful winter weather, friendships that had endured years and even miles, and I felt increased empathy. I tried to do the right things and be prayerful and diligent. I counted my blessings, even if I didn't feel the joy immediately in my heart.

One afternoon I received a phone call from Victoria Loveland. She is a songwriter who wrote a musical based on women in the scriptures. I had met her in January of 2004 when I performed one of her songs in a musical presentation at a Stake Relief Society Conference. I sang the part of Mary Magdalene when she was at the tomb - "He Lives." She called because she was ready to have her music recorded for an album. She asked me to sing the part of Mary, mother of Jesus - "Behold." I was obviously flattered to even be considered for such an opportunity. I have never recorded a track before. I was a bit overwhelmed and intimidated also. We arranged to use a recording studio in Salt Lake City and meet there in about three months when I was there for our family trip.

When July rolled around, I was FULL ON nauseated and barely able to sit for any length of time. I was pregnant again and in the miserable first trimester. I took one or two doses of Zofran daily just to keep food down. I worried about the logistics of even being able to sing. There I was feeling miserable for a wonderful cause and being given a fabulous opportunity. It was surreal being in the recording studio. There were microphones set up for me with spotlights overhead and the technicians were in a room behind the glass. It's wierd to hear yourself sing - in your own head it sounds different than coming through a headset. We spent a couple hours getting the bits recorded and touched up. Then they did some marvelous post-edit to make me sound even better (thanks for that!!!)

So here it is. I have the newly published album in my hot little hands. My name is on the back cover and wouldn't you know - I sing track seven.







I can't help but think how LUCKY I really am. Now months later I can actually feel it. I guess opposition really does help make the highs seem higher after you've made it through the dark and tough lows.

I'm expecting again (and past the yucky part). Time has healed a lot of that heartache. I still wish that my friend and I could go to Mimi's for lunch, but we talk regularly on the phone. I miss my Young Women, but they are in good hands. I'll have a chance to work with the youth again. I still feel less involved in the ward than I'd like, but the problem is that I've fallen in love with these sweet young nursery children.



I know that I am the luckiest!!!