I'm Not Sleeping

It's not that I'm not tired -especially after returning to the gym & taking that family bike ride (all on the same day).  Even when I go to bed, I lie there forever.  I'm quite certain that anxiety has re-surfaced.

It's an interesting time of year.  Can't help but recall the past.  Going in for well-child check ups this week could be another trigger point.  We have routine scans in a couple weeks (we meaning Jacob).  I know many rhabdo parents write about "scanxiety."  I don't know how to keep my stirring emotions in check.  I don't mean to be nervous or paranoid, but those thoughts keep popping up.  

I scheduled Jacob's surgery today. He'll have his port out in a few weeks.  That's wierd too.  Unbelievable that he had one in the first place.  It hasn't been used since January - just flushed each month.  I hope he never needs it again.  

So if you call or text or comment or e-mail, just keep being nice to me.  I'm a little moody, a little scared, a bit confused, and earnestly trying to keep my head up.