Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Did you know that? I never did. I know WAY more about cancer today than I ever wanted to. Cancer was what happened to older people. Or it was what happened to somebody else - someone that was very strong that would deal with it better than me. It still doesn't seem possible that my son is fighting cancer. I think about my son's cancer every day.

Sometimes when I am on the cancer floor at the hospital, I've allowed my mind and heart to consider all the other children who are fighting their battles. Each of them deserves a chance to grow up. Each one of them deserves faithful prayers and the gift of healing. I wish that none of them would suffer. It's too overwhelming to ache for them all. I feel selfish that I keep my thoughts and my pleadings with my Jacob. I tell myself that they have families, and friends, and care takers who are praying for them. I need to keep my worries for my Jacob.

Most of us have seen the pink ribbons to raise awareness for breast cancer. Did you know that there are a rainbow of ribbons connected with causes? I was never really into the rallies or races to find a cure or the clever billboards that said: canswer. There are so many causes. So many organizations asking for money. So many good places to make a donation. One couldn't possibly give to every good cause. It's too overwheming to choose one. Sometimes one just picks us. Maybe you have yours already. If you are looking for one, share mine.

The Gold Ribbon. That's the color for Childhood Cancer Awareness, although it often looks yellow. Gold because children are the most precious to us. I didn't know that childhood cancer is one of the leading causes of death in children. I think the one that takes the most lives is accidents (buckle up your babies).

I'm grateful that many have studied cancers for many years and have found ways to produce survivors. But I didn't realize what they had to survive. My son didn't feel sick or in pain until AFTER receiving treatment. Chemotherapy is NOT a cure. Pumping poison into our loved ones and then hoping they live through it & not their cancer cells, is not a good enough solution. I'm thankful that my son has a treatable form of cancer. The odds are that his 24 treatments of chemotherapy will rid his body of the cancer cells hiding in his soft tissues. I'm grateful that it was found early. I've overcome my fear of losing my son to cancer. All my fears revolve around living WITH cancer. We have a whole new dimension added to our world. Our family dynamic has changed and has come with a new definition of "normal."

Normal for children with cancer is: low immune system, blood transfusions, routine blood draws, nausea/vomiting, daily temperature reads, limited public exposure, feeling tired, losing hair, feeling embarrassed about their changing bodies (their scars, their bald heads, etc)., people staring, being separated from their family to sit around in clinic waiting areas and hospital rooms, having to listen to parents talk about cancer & treatment & them to EVERYONE EVERYWHERE, not feeling hungry, and wanting to get back to the normal that non-cancer kids live.

Having a child with cancer has changed our job chart, my husband's work schedule, my daily/weekly routine, the amount of antibacterial wipes we use. It has tested our established discipline. Children get "spoiled" in the hospital to help them through the waiting, fear, loneliness, & discomfort. When Jacob comes home, it's difficult for him to fit himself back into our family. He is not an only child in our home. He resists the weaknesses given to him from the treatment or restrictions from the doctor's orders. He also faces anger, fear, frustration, disappointment, & discouragement in a higher dose than he ever did before.

Part of parenting him is helping him to help himself - to be gentle and careful with his body. It is reassuring him of our affection. It is requiring him to participate in our family so he can gain that confidence and pride that comes with being part of a family. Part of parenting him is assuring that he takes his meds, eats, drinks, poops, & acts responsibly.

I don't expect everyone to understand our daily struggles. I appreciate your sincere concern, your desire to help. I do not expect you to know what to say. I don't want you to convince me that everything is okay or that it's all going to work out. I keep that knowledge in my back pocket. Some days we are totally maxed out. Some days I don't want to talk about it. Some days I'm longing for the life we knew before we knew cancer. Most days I can see the many miracles and feel God's love. Sometimes I feel the weight of this burden pressing painfully down on my shoulders.

This is our challenge and we are receiving support, grace, encouragement, & healing – even from people we don’t know. I do appreciate each of you have made our burden a little lighter because you have cared, served, prayed. It means so much to us that our family is in your thoughts. I've been learning many important lessons because of the sacrifice you have given, the thoughtfulness you have extended, the prayers you have repeatedly offered, and the kindness you continue to pour out.

Thank you for being aware of the struggle we face. Having so many people step forward to lend a helping hand has also reminded me that we are not alone. Whether you have some experience with cancer or hospitals, I know you have some experience with trial and difficulty. Part of this life is proving to ourselves and to our Heavenly Father that we can continue to be faith-filled, kind, good people even in the face of great obstacles. I think of my friends who help their children with their dyslexia, autism, ADD, celiac, and food allergies. I think of the mothers whose homes are busied with care-taking of young children. I think about the mothers who are constantly worrying about their children who are away. I think of my friends who struggle with single parenthood, divorce, infertility, low self-esteem, financial difficulties, disease, & loneliness. This life is too hard for us not to be kind to each other. So the wake up call to me is to remember to care and be aware of those around me (strangers included). Kindness Begins With Me.