Circus Life

I felt like I was putting on a three ring circus, but I wasn't. Just taking Jessica to the pediatrician for her Kindergarten medical exam and immunizations. Jayson had some shots to get too.  I got us to the appointment on time WITH the immunization records, but realized I forgot the Kindergarten medical form for the school.  Jon faxed it and we continued with weighing and measuring.  Jessica is 3 ft. 9 inches.  She got to do a hearing and vision screening with the nurse.  Jayson was rearranging the chairs, but I don't think he had gotten to the faucet yet.

Next came the finger prick (check for anemia).  When Jessica realized she was bleeding, that's when things took a turn for the worse.  She tried to hold the tears in, but she looked like she was going to burst.  I hugged her and she whimpered for a minute.  This is when she was seriously thinking about NOT going to Kindergarten because she didn't want to get the shots.

We waiting a long time for our doctor.  Jayson was playing in the sink.  I assure you that I did try to move him away from the faucet repeatedly.  There was much arching of the back and high loud squealing.  If I set him down, he was immediately back.  I had to turn on the cool water to offset the scorching water that he was running.  I wiped up the floor three times.  I continued to return the flow to a drizzle, but he has will power.  Well, it was drizzling down his arm and eventually I had to take off his shirt and wring it out.  He was TICKED when the doctor did come and wanted to take a look at him.

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you how fun it is to take a toddler into a 4x4 bathroom with your kindergartener for a urine sample.  He wanted to spin all the toilet paper out on the floor.  I was trying to position Jessica just right to reach in and cup the goods.  Motherhood isn't pretty.

Jessica did great with her tests.  She wanted Jayson to get his shots first.  He cried more when he was taken away from the sink.  Jessica on the other hand...  I told her not to watch, but she couldn't stop looking.  I was holding Jayson with both hands, so I couldn't cover her eyes.  She kept screaming louder and louder when Jayson got his shots.  She got VERY worked up.  Then she kept hollering, "I'm only getting one."  Much like she dictates to me how many curls I can put in her hair.

So this whole event took an hour and a half.  I was asking myself why did I BUY tickets to the circus?  My life IS a circus.

The reason I bought tickets to the circus for our family is because I wanted to do something fun together that we don't usually do (and because I had a promotion code).  I remember being a little girl and my Grandpa bought tickets to the circus for all the grandkids.  I think I've only been that one time, but it stands out in my mind because it was something unique.  So now I've given my children the opportunity to shell peanuts while watching a dozen elephants parade around holding on to each other's tails.

Jessica & Jacob were falling asleep near the end.  It was a good time.  Now I don't need to go again until I'm a grandma.

ZING ZANG ZOOM by Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey

87 Years

Dear Grandpa-
Happy Birthday! Your life stands as an example of work, service, compassion, dedication, patriotism, honor, reverence, love, and kindness. Thank you for always sharing your ice cream and cones. I love you.
Sweetly Yours,
Jenni-Jo

We Took a Beach Day

This summer is going too fast.  Not enough time to soak it all up.  Jon took a day off of work so we could enjoy and not-so-crowded day at the beach.  We headed down to Doheny State Beach.  We'd never been there before.  The day was beautiful.  The sky had puffy clouds against it's brilliant blue backdrop.  The water was so picturesque.  The kids played and played and played some more.  Jayson skipped all naps, but was happy to have water, sand, and birds.

A couple friends met us at the beach which granted a playmate for each of our kids.   A much needed break.

I'm Not Sleeping

It's not that I'm not tired -especially after returning to the gym & taking that family bike ride (all on the same day).  Even when I go to bed, I lie there forever.  I'm quite certain that anxiety has re-surfaced.

It's an interesting time of year.  Can't help but recall the past.  Going in for well-child check ups this week could be another trigger point.  We have routine scans in a couple weeks (we meaning Jacob).  I know many rhabdo parents write about "scanxiety."  I don't know how to keep my stirring emotions in check.  I don't mean to be nervous or paranoid, but those thoughts keep popping up.  

I scheduled Jacob's surgery today. He'll have his port out in a few weeks.  That's wierd too.  Unbelievable that he had one in the first place.  It hasn't been used since January - just flushed each month.  I hope he never needs it again.  

So if you call or text or comment or e-mail, just keep being nice to me.  I'm a little moody, a little scared, a bit confused, and earnestly trying to keep my head up.  

Cub Scout Day Camp 2009

Jon has become very involved in Cub Scouts this year.  He will actually be working with the Bears this fall while he continues to be the Committee Chair.  I'm glad that he can be working with scouts while our boys are in the program.

This is the first year that James and Jacob have attended a day camp.  It was REALLY hot and camp ran from 3-8 p.m.  The most excited attendee was Jessica.  She participated in the "tag-a-long" camp.  It's basically the child care corner, so the volunteers would come.  She loved the crafts and the other kids.

Jacob loved archery.  Of course, he's always been a fan of playing weapons.  Seems that his attention to detail helped him hit the mark.

On the last night, the cubs presented little skits.  Jessica got stage fright and refused to go up.

Jacob in a sea of scouts.

Jayson enjoyed coming to the festivities.

Jacob also whittled one of our bars of soap.  Lot less messy when they do it at camp.

The gun instructor instilled fear in James.  I guess he reviewed all the terrible things that could happen if they didn't follow all the safety rules.  James didn't have as much fun because he was so worried about breaking the rules.

What did all this summer fun mean for me? NO COOKING DINNER. It was absolutely wonderful!!!! Jayson & I took a couple evening walks. We ran errands. We met a friend at the park. I got the kitchen all clean because there wasn't a huge mess from dinner. Can't wait for the one next year.

I shop the deals

This time before the school year starts is a time for great sales.  Cold cereal coupons and incentives will abound and I stock up my pantry.  All the school supplies at Target drop below a dollar with a new find each week.  I get enough to fulfill the school request list and some to spare to coast us through the year.  Nobody should ever pay more that a quarter for crayons that are just going to be busted and broken throughout my house or scribbled on my walls by anonymous toddler.  I'll pay enough later just by bringing them into my home.

Anyway, I received an exciting Friend/Family offer from the Gap/Old Navy/Banana Republic clan.  If you have not received this offer, but would like to shop their 30% off sale just send me a comment or e-mail and I'll send you the invite.  I have 17 more I can send out.  Also, 5% of our purchases go to the Leukemia Lymphoma Society.  It's a feel good purchase for sure.  There's an online code (one time use) for shoppers who don't like to drag their little ones in public (or who like to shop at 11 p.m.) and a bar code that can be used multiple times.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I haven't snapped a picture of our forest - I mean garden on the side of the house.  The plants are going wild.  The corn stalks are waist high (I'm tall).  We are already eating tomatoes and loads of green beans.  We've had a couple radishes and bell peppers.  I will give Kudos to our nectarine tree that produced about 7 fruits (they were the wimpy size of walnuts, but better than nothing like the last few years).  There is one apple on one of the new trees.

Jon was out the other night with his forehead flashlight.  Guess who he found (and a couple of his friends):

I learned from another garden enthusiast that they are tomato horn worms.  Now we need parasitic wasps in our yard to attack the worms or Jon has to go hunting at night, follow their poop trails, and dump them in soapy water.  How do you attract the wasps?  Perhaps it's a dill plant.  It's just another illustration that the more you learn about something the more you learn that there's WAY more to learn and you really don't know anything. :)  

So, I give all the garden glory to Jon, but you really ought to look at my cute pink vincas I planted in the front yard......    I just did a quick google search to make sure I spelled the plant name correctly (vinca rosea) and just learned that extracts from these plants are used for vincristine which is a chemotherapy drug that Jacob was on.  I didn't particularly like it because it caused neuropathy (made his hands tighten up so he couldn't use them).  Not so sure how I'm feeling about those plants now.  I didn't make this up.  You can look HERE to check up on me.

Here We are Together

I now proudly present the photo that my mom has been waiting for.

This was a spontaneous family portrait. We realized that ALL OF US (except for unborn or unannounced additions) were together for Sunday dinner. I live out of state. My brother was out of the country for several months last year. Now my other brother is moving his family back east to go to grad school.

So, here we are together. There's mother & father, both my sisters, all three brothers. Mix in four very complimentary spouses. Add to my four kiddos 11 nieces and nephews & one boyfriend. Wah-la!

And just for the record, we have a couple BLINKERS in the family. So even though we all aren't looking at the correct camera, we all are lookin'.



Love you all a MILLION BILLION!!! (Original size will be posted on Flickr for you to download and print).

A Dozen

Jon & I have been married for twelve years. Perhaps what many people don't know is that it didn't take long after we met before we were married.

We met at a dance called the Snowflake Ball on campus in January 1997. We weren't officially introduced by a mutual friend (who happened to be Jon's new roommate), but we were each informed about each other from the same source. Jon found me and introduced himself. We danced off and on that night and spent time at the end talking and flirting.

Soon after our meeting, Jon left school on a performance tour. I finished out the blind dates that friends and family had set up for me, but I kept thinking about Jon. I was certain he would call, so why hadn't he. I bumped into his roommate when I was supposed to be studying and found out that he was still out of town. I was happy when he called me within a couple hours of his return.

Our first date was on my 24th birthday (February 5th). That didn't happen by chance. It was one of those tidbits of information relayed by our friend. I didn't mean for our first date to be on my birthday (though Jon did). I kept trying to sway him for a different day. My schedule was LONG and full on Wednesdays. I had morning classes, work, and an evening class.

Our first date was actually a lunch date (I think Jon wanted a short date and it happened to be the only free hour I had that day). I arrived late or I arrived promptly at the wrong museum on campus. I had to stomp through the snow to make my way to the Museum Cafe where my curly blond locks ended up wet and straggly.

I liked Jon. He reminded me of some of my really close guy friends. I didn't really realize I was falling in love with him until several weeks later. It just happened that we were bumping into each other every day or making plans to meet. Not a bunch of official dates, but bringing over a bell pepper to top off a recipe. I thought Jon was going to "break up" with me or ask that we didn't see each other so often when he wanted to talk with me about how much time we had been spending together.

In March we started holding hands. We went on more official dates at the Fine Art Center on campus. Jon came home with me for Sunday dinner and met my family. We had our first kiss and talked about the other girl that had been crushing on him. We started seeing each other exclusively.

In April, just days before my graduation. We decided to get married. Nobody gave us a rule book about how to get engaged, so we just decided without an official proposal. We didn't get a billboard and announce it to the world. We took a couple days to let it all sink in - except for that we both called our moms and told them. Then we did start telling people that we were getting married and people would ask "how did he propose?" or "let me see the ring." The trouble was that we decided to get married just days before Jon was leaving the country for a performing tour. I must say that it was quite unsettling to be planning a wedding without a proposal, engagement ring, or groom.

We spent $100 talking long distance for only about 12 minutes while he was in the Baltic States. We decided on a wedding date and location over the phone. His voice didn't sound right - more like he was echoing through a long tube.

It was May when he officially proposed. (ie. dropped off clues all day at my work, sent me on a scavenger hunt, got down on one knee, said "will you marry me," placed a diamond on my finger, gave me a dozen roses, and read a beautiful poem that he had written for me).

In June we had our photos taken and sent out announcements. We finalized flowers, reception center settings, dress alterations, etc.

Then on a Tuesday morning we each rode with our parents to meet at the Jordan River Temple to be married. Young, naive, committed, and in love. What a beautiful way to start a life together.

Happy Anniversary Sweetie! I'm glad you're mine.

Each Moment Counts

It's been exactly one year, 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, 8760 hours, or 525,600 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds from the day we found Jacob's tumor.  We didn't know for certain that it was cancer until after the tumor was removed and a biopsy was performed.  Those several days were like their own lifetime.  So many thoughts and emotions in such a short span of time.  

You can read those early accounts HERE or about his surgery HERE  or Jacob's interview about his surgery HERE  or my "the day that changed everything post" HERE.

And here we are living a pretty "normal" kind of life.  Trying to step out of the cancer sphere and press forward.  I will admit that I've had some bouts of anxiety while scheduling well child check ups for kindergarten and vaccinations.  But I am also grateful that my doctor was able to recognize a problem and coordinate the help we would need.

Life is a fragile thing.  I think most of us get in the habit of thinking we are invincible.  We expect that we will have a chance to grow old, become grandparents, and see our children live out the adventures of their life.  I guess it's quite a hopeful and optimistic way to live.  I believe in hope and optimism.  Why is it that sometimes it takes a crisis to make us savor the joys that are happening in our lives today?  I realize that there are no guarantees.  That today really does make a difference.  

I wish to express gratitude from deep within my heart where all the maternal tenderness dwells.  Thank you for letting me share each of those days -each moment- with my son.  Uncertainty perpetuates perspective and cherishing the moments we have now.  I know Jacob more deeply than I did before.  I know his soul - his strength, his heartache, his goodness, his weakness.  And I love all of him more than I ever thought possible.

Today he is a thriving, active, super handsome, nine-year old boy.  Sometimes I look at the pics of him during his treatment.  I was certainly blessed with strength beyond my own.  It was so uneasy walking the path of uncertainty.  How bad is this going to get?  How much longer are we going to have to do this?  How could we live without him?

I look at pics of baby Jayson.  He was only 6 months old when all the drama started.  A nursing baby who ate every 4 hours.  I had rarely been away from him.  James lost one of his best friends for a while.  He was angry too.  Jessica noticed the hours that we were away and preoccupied.  Jon & I stood on a united front, but we were stationed in different locations (hospital/clinic, work, home).  We each had to work through our emotions at our own pace in our own way.  Some days we broke down at the same time.  Other days we'd take turns feeling completely broken, scared, overwhelmed, or just plain sad.

Our love grew this past year.  We had so much time to think about our love for our family.  We thought about God's love.  We thought about all the extended family and friends who were cheering us on.  But didn't we have the same amount of time as always - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?  It wasn't in us to think about other stuff.  Our family, our memories, our healing, our hope, & our endurance was what we were compelled to ponder.  Why is it so easy for those important things to slip from our perspective?

What great joy we've had emerging from this great trial.  To see the curls on Jacob's head.  To see all of us around the dinner table.  To gather together for an adventure.  To remember the moments we created on the Wish Trip and visiting our family in Utah.  Each moment counts.

And I do have a confession.  I didn't know how long it would be before Jacob would have hair again.  It was so hard to part with it.  When we decided to buzz it, I collected it.  I wanted to find a fancy bottle with a cork like "Message in a Bottle" to put it in and save until his new hair grew back.  I never found the bottle, so I have a rubbermaid canister of hair up on top of my fridge.  I still haven't found motivation to let it go.