Forever Your Girl

Several weeks ago, Jessica held what I thought looked like a wad of wrinkled ribbon mess. She carefully cradled it in her cupped hands and said, "Mom, if you keep this... I will be your girl forever." I assured her that I did want her to be my girl forever, so I took her symbolic wad and have since stashed it in my closet. Don't throw that out. She promised that she'd be forever my girl.

Her final dance number is quite fitting.

Stop in the Name of Love

Are you Ready for some SERIOUS CUTENESS????

Jessica's dance teacher loves a BIG SHOW. She is very crafty and creates all the costumes without passing on a huge price tag to us. We usually know the titles of the music for their numbers, but it is a thrill to see the curtain go up so we can see their adorable costumes. Their first number did NOT disappoint.

More to come....

Last Week of School Rundown

Monday

• Laundry
• Two kids to local grocery store because I wrote a 2 week meal plan last night and I need recipe ingredients not bulk - NOT a stress free morning
• Kindergarten BBQ - lather sunscreen despite overcast skies
• Sam's Club for bulk food shopping with Jayson - wishing that I wasn't sick last week so I wasn't so far behind at the front end of the week
• Black leotard has gone missing
• Purchase new black leotard (in the exact size that we already have since the store doesn't have the bigger size that we could use next year) for Dance Recital
• Drive dance carpool to Dress Rehearsal
• Borrow suit for James to wear to his 5th Grade Program (he's supposed to be Ed Sullivan)
• On the menu: Beef fajitas

Tuesday

• Awakened to Jessica's questions about swim clothes/towel/etc. She is REALLY excited about Water Day in Kindergarten.
• Sunscreen for 5th Grade Fantastic Fun day
• Weather is cold and drizzly
• In good faith, lather up daughter in sunscreen and put her hair in pigtails at her insistence
• Sit in rain and watch garbage truck circle the street with Jayson
• Send letters & emails to politicians expressing concern about education budget cuts
• Visiting teaching visit while Jayson dives on/across/over me
• Watch collection truck again as he collects green waste
• Pick up a very disappointed Jessica from school (no water on Water Day)
• Save the day by giving her a popsicle
• Bake peanut butter bars to share with friends at Park Picnic
• Call Dominoes and tell them to make dinner
• Enjoy visiting with friends at park & a phone call from sister

Wednesday

• Enjoy the 5th Grade Promotion Celebration (seriously one of the best school performances to date)
• Cry when I think of my toehead baby ending his elementary career. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were at his Kinder Promotion? So very proud of him!!!!
• Try to manage a toddler with red punch & cake frosting with NO napkins
• Check a very quiet and seemingly sad 5th grader out of school
• Carry a screaming toddler way to far to the car
• Stop by the park; track down Jacob; cover his face in glue stick sunscreen despite James' warning that I would totally embarrass him. The sun finally shows up in all its radiance on a day I know Jacob didn't apply sunscreen
• Figure out that parents are NOT supposed to show up empty handed to 5th Grade Promotion
• Come up with a good line about how the day isn't over yet...
• Decide to have a Graduation/End of School Year family celebration... not 'til Sunday. We have stuff going on every night this week.
• Go to lunch at Chick-fil-a w/ James (and tag-along Jayson)
• Take James shopping so he can spend his Target giftcard won at the Walk-a-thon Fundraiser drawing
• Shop for Grad party supplies, card, & bag of treats. Pick up extra treats to present to Jessica at Kindergarten Program and Jacob for his hard work in 4th grade. (Not making the same mistake twice)
• Shop for denim skirt for Kindergarten program, make returns, burn through my "bonus bucks" in minutes.
• Stop by Ross in search of treasure box (check). Also found a BYU hat for $5 - what are the chances?
• Prepare breaded tilapia & rice and leave it for the family so I can drive James to Boy Scout Merit Badge Fair
• Eat/clean up/get kids to bed/prepare "grad" gift
• Get a call asking if I was coming to a scheduled appointment. Feel like a dork for completely forgetting.
• Present grad gift to James at 8:45 p.m. - all is well.

Thursday

• Send James off to Knott's Berry Farm Field Trip - armed with food money & sunscreen, but lacking a ride home (forgot about that)
• Send Jacob off to Ice Skating Field Trip - clothed in mittens & long sleeves
• Take Jayson to play at the park with friends
• Enjoy Kindergarten Goes to the Beach Program
• Cry because my little girl is now a 1st grader. I know if I blink I will be sitting at her 5th Grade Promotion
• Check my daughter out of school early
• Return to the school for Jacob
• Continue to scramble (I lack phone numbers) to find a ride home for James. Buses return at 7:00 p.m., but Jon got me theater tickets for Mothers Day and we will be gone at 6:30 p.m.
• Play with friends
• On the menu: tacos made with TVP & Thursday means it's ice cream night!!!
• Have sharp shooting pains in my foot causing a limp for no apparent reason, but to freak me out
• Absolutely enjoy seeing Brigadoon at the Fullerton Civic Light Opera

Friday

• Last Day of School - Jessica attends in the morning and has officially finished her kindergarten year at 11:20 a.m.
• Pick up boys from school at 1:10 p.m. They linger in classroom gathering phone numbers of friends
• They are excited to open their report cards - James had all A's. Jacob had all A's with a pair of B's. EXCELLENT.
• Jon takes James & Jacob on a Father/Son camp out
• Jessica can hardly wait for our Mother/Daughter time. She declines eating out at a nice restaurant and instead expresses how thrilled she'd be to go to Chuck E. Cheese (gross)
• She & Jayson have a wonderful time. Jayson could have played Skeeball all night - I however was anxious to return to my Jane Austen movies :)
• We eat strawberries & cream & angel food cake & more strawberries

Superhero for a Day

Jessica came home crushed from school yesterday. It was supposed to be her water day in kindergarten. She wore her swim shirt and shorts and requested pigtails. It was cold and drizzling, but I painted sunscreen on her face in the hopes that PM kindergarten would have better luck with the weather.

No hose. No water. It was reportedly dry enough for sidewalk chalk. She had a new fresh scent that I couldn't place that turned out to be shaving cream smell from their foam sculpting activity. Still she wasn't happy with the day. I asked her to make treats with me to cheer her up, but I couldn't convince a grin.

Finally, she admitted that she was upset because she was told that they were going to have popsicles... and they didn't. It's always the simple promises that make the biggest difference. I told her that she could go to our freezer and select a popsicle of her choice. She was instantly happy. I was finally assured that our chaotic visit to the grocery store on Monday was worth it. I laughed with her and said, "Mom saved the day!!!" And then she told me, "Mom, you are like a SUPERHERO."

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today as I think about and pray for a family whose little boy is dying soon. I don't follow any new cancer kids because it's too hard. But the mom's that were on the rhabdo kids forum the same time I was I'm attached to. I love their kids and have a taste of what the pediatric cancer world is like.

So today while I was SO EXHAUSTED from taking two kiddos to the grocery store - grabbing the apple before the whole pile tumbled, putting back dressing and Koolaid and Mac n Cheese boxes that my toddler loaded in excess, trying to walk ever so slowly as the kids keep darting in front of my shopping cart, asking again and again for Toddler Jay to stop opening EVERY single freezer door trying to select ice cream and popsicles, etc.... while I swear that I NEVER want to do that again for WEEKS... I'm reminded to be grateful for their energy, their vibrance, their presence, and for being their mother.

The words that I could never voice were, "I'm afraid my son is going to die" but the thoughts haunted me often despite my faith and trust and doing everything in my power. My heart is heavy for the mothers that are afraid and their faith, trust, optimism, and endeavors to do all they can just aren't enough because sometime soon they are going to lose their child.

Today I cry tears for Shelli hoping that their special plans this week can last in their memories forever.

Today I seek hugs, laughter, and smiles from my children. Because I owe it to them and I owe it to my maternal heart to cherish them.

ETA: Ricky received his angel wings late Sunday night in the arms of his parents. In his four short years, he has fought hard, found daily joy, and touched many.

Oh Jane

I'm 37 years old and I can finally say that I've read a Jane Austin novel. Pride & Prejudice has rested on my bookshelf for a couple of YEARS. I bought it so I could remove my mind from the mundane and fill it with classic literature. Reading is NOT my strong suite.

I am getting a new eye prescription, but according to the optometrist I have wonder eyes. It must be the headaches and migraines that get in the way. When I find a book I like (usually an easy read), I'm inclined to forget all else and read it from cover to cover. Thus vacation or "sick leave" reading is best for me and my family. I've had a form of the flu all week that has me feeling like I've been riding a merry-go-round at high speed. The bright spot is that I've had time to read the entire novel and watch the movie (some scenes more than once).

I have seen both the A&E tv mini series and the film released in 2005. I must say that I am partial to the Mathew Macfayden & Kiera Knightly movie version - even over the book. I adore the musical soundtrack. I have the sheet music and the CD. The cinematography is enchanting. I did enjoy reading the book to gather a bit more insight and seeing how the movie was adapted from the original tale.

So now that my mind is swimming in phrases such as, "I love you... most ardently" (from the film not actually how it was delivered in the book) and "You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged, but on word from you will silence me on this subject for ever," "It taught me to hope..." etc. I'm wondering where do I go from here?

I need an new enchanting tale. Don't recommend a hard one, but please do tell your favorites.

Swingin'

I'm not so much a morning person, so I don't often enjoy the morning light. Jayson was very insistent that I not send him off to the sandbox, but that I join him at the swing. The sun hadn't peaked over the fence, so I darted inside for the camera. This did not thrill him, so I received many cranky faces when I put the camera to my eye.

I took me a while to climb up into the playhouse and even though I had found an interesting angle, he was NOT really interested in tossing out one of his grins. And he certainly was NOT going to sit back down and hold on to the ropes while I created a frame within a frame.

No child fell out of the swing in the making of these photos - although he was trying REAL hard.

We've Had Our Windstar for almost 10 years...

My friend Sara just shared an awesome video about the Swagger Wagon (see it HERE). My ride is NOT that cool, especially after nearly ten years of sharing the minivan with the kids.

Case in point: I raced home to vacuum out the van before picking up a friend. It helped a little, but still lots of sand ground into the floor. Then I found out that my husband had just vacuumed it the weekend before. Maybe we need an industrial vacuum cleaner.

Anyway, I totally drive the embarrassing: Mom My Ride. Check it out HERE. So sad, but true.

And we did actually have rotten milk ooze all over the carpet in the back seat when the car was still very new. We had to have it professionally cleaned more than once to finally get the smell out.

The streaks down the side of our car were from the automatic door being opened by a child while in our garage next to the lawn mower. Metal scratching sounds still haunt me.

It's Still Weird

It's still weird to me that my husband I and exchange emails or dialogue like this:

I made Jacob’s scan appt today. I can plan on taking him.

June 16, 9am CT

June 16, 1:20 pm Dr. Mathias

We have been so far removed from the worst of it, that some days it doesn't seem real. Then the quarterly check up sneaks up.

I have been thinking lots about our treasured memories from the Wish Trip last April. I'm also painfully aware that I never finished writing all the details. I'm still working on the poster print keepsakes that will eventually grace my wall.