Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today as I think about and pray for a family whose little boy is dying soon. I don't follow any new cancer kids because it's too hard. But the mom's that were on the rhabdo kids forum the same time I was I'm attached to. I love their kids and have a taste of what the pediatric cancer world is like.

So today while I was SO EXHAUSTED from taking two kiddos to the grocery store - grabbing the apple before the whole pile tumbled, putting back dressing and Koolaid and Mac n Cheese boxes that my toddler loaded in excess, trying to walk ever so slowly as the kids keep darting in front of my shopping cart, asking again and again for Toddler Jay to stop opening EVERY single freezer door trying to select ice cream and popsicles, etc.... while I swear that I NEVER want to do that again for WEEKS... I'm reminded to be grateful for their energy, their vibrance, their presence, and for being their mother.

The words that I could never voice were, "I'm afraid my son is going to die" but the thoughts haunted me often despite my faith and trust and doing everything in my power. My heart is heavy for the mothers that are afraid and their faith, trust, optimism, and endeavors to do all they can just aren't enough because sometime soon they are going to lose their child.

Today I cry tears for Shelli hoping that their special plans this week can last in their memories forever.

Today I seek hugs, laughter, and smiles from my children. Because I owe it to them and I owe it to my maternal heart to cherish them.

ETA: Ricky received his angel wings late Sunday night in the arms of his parents. In his four short years, he has fought hard, found daily joy, and touched many.