Creating Cream

I've been meaning to give my children more undivided attention. The trouble with having four children and having three of them underfoot all day is that my time is always divided between their needs. I told Jessica that I would set the timer for 10 minutes and I wouldn't help anybody else (I just crossed my fingers that Jayson wouldn't start screaming again). I got out a cookie sheet & some shaving cream and let her go to work. We tried to practice writing her name in the foam. This brilliant (AND MESSY) idea came from Andrea's post. Her daughter has a very creative teacher. Jessica loved using the spatula and wearing her apron that Ms. Hyla made for her.

For the record, I also let her fill up my sink with water to "wash" my dishes. I'm certain she squirted more than a few drops of Palmolive into the sink because the water was blue. When we're helping we're happy right? And even if the young child isn't really helping, just keeping her mess contained to one spot makes me happy.

No Scout Left Behind

I've been friends with Deanna for over nine years. I've always admired her. She sends me a handmade birthday card every year. We both have children, but none of them are the same ages. I just connected directly with her, not through my kids. We have enjoyed scrapbooking together - she would graciously rearrange her family room so I could park my rolling baby. She got me hooked on the expos & magazines. We finally took a class together. I went with Deanna to Disneyland when I took James for the first time. She always knows a good book that I can read. I was at her house when I had my "threatened miscarriage" (aka Jacob) and she let me borrow her clothes. Six months later I was swimming at her pool when my water broke. She kept James overnight and made a scrapbook page of him for me while I was at the hospital delivering Jacob. She is one in a million.

Deanna is also a breast cancer survivor. I didn't know her when she was going through treatment. But she's been there for me as my son is going through his. She volunteered to work with Jacob on his scouts. She has helped in scouting for years. I was so relieved for Jacob to have his "home school" scouts on Tuesday. She got him started on his Bobcat and showed him how to earn some belt loops.

Perhaps she will be completely embarrassed that I'm braggin about her. I think she should win a prize. She's the kind of person that figures out how she can make a difference and then does. I'm so grateful for her.



Demonstrating a little coordination.

Going by the book AND our little extra helper that thinks she can be part of all of Jacob's home school activities :)

Boy Scouts of America

James is back to Boy Scouts. I don't think I ever posted his pics when he received his Bobcat & Wolf badges. Now he is working on his Bear.

Me Poster

Jacob started his home school - actually called Home Hospital in our district. All curriculm and materials are provided by the school/district. Jacob's teacher, Mrs. Bishop, was actually his kindergarten teacher. She comes to our home for up to five hours each week. She is working with the other 3rd grade teachers to help him learn the same things his classmates are learning. I found his "Me Poster" on the desk and had to smile at a few of his responses. His answers are in red.

I have a great name. It is Jacob. Today I feel good. Something special about me is I am good at video games. What bugs me most about school is nothing. I'd rather do math than science. I like teachers that are nice. My favorite place to be is Utah. Something that bothers me is my baby brother's screaming. At our house we play DS & Wii. When I'm alone I like to be bored. The most important person in the world is my parents. I wish I could go back to Legoland & Knotts. I like to play Diamond & Emerald. I think school should be a place were we learn. I feel nervous when I get in trouble. I really get angry when my sister bugs me. I feel proud when it's my birthday. I wish people wouldn't interrupt me. This year I hope I have a good Christmas. One thing I'd like the teacher to know about me is I have a good brain.

Can I Go There Tomorrow

Apparently Jessica's new preschool was a huge success. Once she got in the car to ride home she asked, "Can I go there tomorrow?" I said no - we would go in two days. She was not happy with that reply and cried half the way home.

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. Did you know that? I never did. I know WAY more about cancer today than I ever wanted to. Cancer was what happened to older people. Or it was what happened to somebody else - someone that was very strong that would deal with it better than me. It still doesn't seem possible that my son is fighting cancer. I think about my son's cancer every day.

Sometimes when I am on the cancer floor at the hospital, I've allowed my mind and heart to consider all the other children who are fighting their battles. Each of them deserves a chance to grow up. Each one of them deserves faithful prayers and the gift of healing. I wish that none of them would suffer. It's too overwhelming to ache for them all. I feel selfish that I keep my thoughts and my pleadings with my Jacob. I tell myself that they have families, and friends, and care takers who are praying for them. I need to keep my worries for my Jacob.

Most of us have seen the pink ribbons to raise awareness for breast cancer. Did you know that there are a rainbow of ribbons connected with causes? I was never really into the rallies or races to find a cure or the clever billboards that said: canswer. There are so many causes. So many organizations asking for money. So many good places to make a donation. One couldn't possibly give to every good cause. It's too overwheming to choose one. Sometimes one just picks us. Maybe you have yours already. If you are looking for one, share mine.

The Gold Ribbon. That's the color for Childhood Cancer Awareness, although it often looks yellow. Gold because children are the most precious to us. I didn't know that childhood cancer is one of the leading causes of death in children. I think the one that takes the most lives is accidents (buckle up your babies).

I'm grateful that many have studied cancers for many years and have found ways to produce survivors. But I didn't realize what they had to survive. My son didn't feel sick or in pain until AFTER receiving treatment. Chemotherapy is NOT a cure. Pumping poison into our loved ones and then hoping they live through it & not their cancer cells, is not a good enough solution. I'm thankful that my son has a treatable form of cancer. The odds are that his 24 treatments of chemotherapy will rid his body of the cancer cells hiding in his soft tissues. I'm grateful that it was found early. I've overcome my fear of losing my son to cancer. All my fears revolve around living WITH cancer. We have a whole new dimension added to our world. Our family dynamic has changed and has come with a new definition of "normal."

Normal for children with cancer is: low immune system, blood transfusions, routine blood draws, nausea/vomiting, daily temperature reads, limited public exposure, feeling tired, losing hair, feeling embarrassed about their changing bodies (their scars, their bald heads, etc)., people staring, being separated from their family to sit around in clinic waiting areas and hospital rooms, having to listen to parents talk about cancer & treatment & them to EVERYONE EVERYWHERE, not feeling hungry, and wanting to get back to the normal that non-cancer kids live.

Having a child with cancer has changed our job chart, my husband's work schedule, my daily/weekly routine, the amount of antibacterial wipes we use. It has tested our established discipline. Children get "spoiled" in the hospital to help them through the waiting, fear, loneliness, & discomfort. When Jacob comes home, it's difficult for him to fit himself back into our family. He is not an only child in our home. He resists the weaknesses given to him from the treatment or restrictions from the doctor's orders. He also faces anger, fear, frustration, disappointment, & discouragement in a higher dose than he ever did before.

Part of parenting him is helping him to help himself - to be gentle and careful with his body. It is reassuring him of our affection. It is requiring him to participate in our family so he can gain that confidence and pride that comes with being part of a family. Part of parenting him is assuring that he takes his meds, eats, drinks, poops, & acts responsibly.

I don't expect everyone to understand our daily struggles. I appreciate your sincere concern, your desire to help. I do not expect you to know what to say. I don't want you to convince me that everything is okay or that it's all going to work out. I keep that knowledge in my back pocket. Some days we are totally maxed out. Some days I don't want to talk about it. Some days I'm longing for the life we knew before we knew cancer. Most days I can see the many miracles and feel God's love. Sometimes I feel the weight of this burden pressing painfully down on my shoulders.

This is our challenge and we are receiving support, grace, encouragement, & healing – even from people we don’t know. I do appreciate each of you have made our burden a little lighter because you have cared, served, prayed. It means so much to us that our family is in your thoughts. I've been learning many important lessons because of the sacrifice you have given, the thoughtfulness you have extended, the prayers you have repeatedly offered, and the kindness you continue to pour out.

Thank you for being aware of the struggle we face. Having so many people step forward to lend a helping hand has also reminded me that we are not alone. Whether you have some experience with cancer or hospitals, I know you have some experience with trial and difficulty. Part of this life is proving to ourselves and to our Heavenly Father that we can continue to be faith-filled, kind, good people even in the face of great obstacles. I think of my friends who help their children with their dyslexia, autism, ADD, celiac, and food allergies. I think of the mothers whose homes are busied with care-taking of young children. I think about the mothers who are constantly worrying about their children who are away. I think of my friends who struggle with single parenthood, divorce, infertility, low self-esteem, financial difficulties, disease, & loneliness. This life is too hard for us not to be kind to each other. So the wake up call to me is to remember to care and be aware of those around me (strangers included). Kindness Begins With Me.

Legion of Angels

I have a list of stories that I could tell about how I felt that my son Jacob didn't just have ONE guardian angel, but a whole legion at his command. As a little boy I always needed extra help because I could never predict what he'd get himself into. He has always been full of surprises. One surprise was on an Easter Sunday. He did NOT want to leave his candy home, so he stash Robbin Eggs in his side pocket (not sure why we had him in cargo pants at church). While the rest of us were waiting for the sacrament bread and water, he was loading up on chocolate. A sweet surprise.

He's been at the hospital since Wednesday this week. We thought it would just be an overnight treatment of chemo. But any of you who have stepped into the halls of a hospital would know, you've stepped into a different world where time moves in slow motion. So unless you have STAT stamped in red across your chart, we take our time. So I spent the entire day on Wednesday waiting around with him at the clinic for the blood draw, at the hospital for admitting and waiting for orders and waiting for who really knows why.

He didn't get the actual treatment into his IV until around 3 a.m. Thursday morning. Then he was sick all morning - okay in the middle- and sick at night. I was at the hospital all day Friday so Jon could go to work. Jacob wouldn't eat anything all day. Nothing. By late afternoon he decided to start drinking Sierra Mist. We got 2 1/2 cans down him and even a little mac n cheese. When Jon came to change shifts, Jacob ate the Key Lime Pie Yogurt ("the green yogurt" which is a favorite at our house) which was the only food he was willing to try. He threw that up, so I wonder if he'll ever like that again.

So who takes care of my three other children & gets James to and from school while I'm stuck at the hospital? Well, we have our own little legion of angels on a shift schedule coming in and out of my home making my life work. Special thanks to Wednesday's workers: Caryn, Kathy, Sharon, & Sara. They at least had a week's notice. Dinner arrived from our friend Maureen. Then Donna threw another team together to cover Friday. Thanks to Michelle, LeAnn, Sue, Donna, Carie, & Cynthia. ELEVEN extra people just to make my life work. I'm praying that their kindness and service comes back to them in the ways that they need. I certainly have been blessed in these moments of chaos in our family.

Lucifer is Scaring My Daughter

Jessica crawled into my bed early this morning. She told me that she had a bad dream about Lucifer. I was full on groggy and even hearing the name Lucifer made me cringe.

"What happened in your dream?" I asked.

"Lucifer was trying to get me." she said.

Then I realized that she was talking about Lucifer the CAT in Cinderella - you know, the one that chases Gus-Gus & Jack. She was being chased by a cat in her nightmare.

**********

Later she told us that she also had a dream about Pokemon. I'm not sure she actually had that one in her sleep or whether it was one she concocted during the day to impress her brother. She said that she was a trainer and she listed off a bunch of Pokemon names and their evolutions. I totally don't talk Pokemon, but my Jessica can.

Larger Photos on Blog

How do I make my photos larger on the blog? MY short answer is: trial and error after reading another photographer's tutorial HERE.

A longer answer, but still not a picture by picture tutorial (because I have a HUGE headache and don't want to write one) is that you need to click the HTML tab (after the photo has uploaded) instead of the compose tab so you can see all the computer babble. Look through the code for the s400 number and it to s800 (assuming you uploaded the photo in Blogger on the large photo size setting. If you usually upload size small or medium the number will be 200 or 400 - you can still double those). Don't try 600. It will just make the photo disappear. You have to double the number. This will double the size of your photo.

That's great unless you don't actually have a margin wide enough to fit a photo that large. This is where you start messing with your template HTML. I recommend SAVING your template before experimenting. I've also noticed that there are a bunch of bloggers who must have a WAY wider screen than me. I find it irritating that I have to scroll to the right to see all of their blog. They have chosen margins too wide (for my screen).

Another factor in getting your pic to display correctly is whether or not you have resized your photo for the web AND what size you made them. If you are uploading a full large file, it's going to be different than one that is sized to 400x600 pixels. I use 600 wide for all my photos because my inner margin for my text on this blog is set at 610. This way the tops of my horizontal AND vertical pics are the same no matter how I've cropped them. Remembering one size is what works for me. There might be different hoops to jump through if you are hosting your photos at Flickr or Photobucket. I still have a wee bit more space on Picasa, so it's easy to keep doin what I've been doin. Soon I'll need to get another hosting site. (Another advantage of resizing your photos is that you won't use up all your free space so fast:)

Okay- I'll show you a couple examples, but I'm not going to write all the technical stuff. I'm supposed to be cuddling my kids for bedtime. * * * * time lapse * * * * * (I did cuddle my kids, now I need to finish this up and go to bed).

Full Edited File Uploaded with HTML #400 changed to 800


Full Edited File Resized & Sharpened for web (I do that in Photoshop Elements) for Web with HTML #400 changed to 800


Full Edited File uploaded in Google as Large Size - still at s400


Same Full-sized Edited File Photo uploaded in Google as Large Size and then HTML s400 changed to 800


Full Edited File Sharpened & Resized for Web uploaded in Google as Large Size and then HTML s400 changed to 800


And one more because he's so cute.

Resized 600 pixels wide and uploaded as large photo


This photo was resized at 400 wide and uploaded as large photo


This photo was resized to 400 pixels wide, uploaded as large size, then I changed the HTML from 400 to 800. The photo still doubled it's size, but the original I was working with was smaller.

Same photo that had been resized to 600 pixels wide & changed to 800


Now are you TOTALLY confused??!!! I played with the numbers and my blog to find a way that works for me. Good luck configuring yours!!!!

4th Grader Back to School

My kids get up early anyway, but you would have thought it was Christmas morning at our house. The boys were up at 5 a.m. getting ready for the first day of school. They had their backpack & sling pack stuffed with school supplies divided up from the night before. It's always important to them to wear their BEST shirt for the first day of school. The best shirt this year was a Pokemon t-shirt. The boys donned their matching tees and twinner athletic shoes.

They were totally irritated that I wanted to take a picture before they started walking. James is returning as a 4th Grade student. He's a bit nervous about being an older student and having to work harder - school has come rather easy to him in the past. He was also worried that he's already read all the books there were to read - true of our personal bookshelf, but I promised that his teacher could find more for him :)

Jacob will be continuing as a 3rd grader from home. He'll be working with a teacher from our school for 5 hours a week. But today I was his teacher. We set up my old scrapbook table for his desk and arranged his supplies. We did reading group for 30 minutes (that nearly killed him to be still that long). We reviewed multiplication flashcards & we did computer lab. I let him play Mario Dance Dance for recess.

The biggest problem was that while I was doing all that I also had a daughter in and out of the room wanting to do her preschool workbook. She wanted to dump all of Jayson's toys out of the closet and spread them into every corner of our house. Nobody wanted to put the milk away. I did that about 20 times. Jayson didn't want to sit still during reading group nor did he want to be put on the ground nor did he want to nurse nor did he wan to sleep EVER for longer than 47 minutes. I think he's teething and he's not quite his pleasant self. I'm adjusting too. I didn't do a load of laundry or clean one bathroom or blog anything. I was wondering where the teacher's lounge was so I could take a break.

Even though Jacob won't be attending his elementary school is was VERY important that he walked to school for the first day. He made that perfectly clear. I think he was ready for school before James was. He was hoping to see some of his friends. I got super nervous and paranoid, but the compromise was that he had to wear a mask and we'd just go to the corner. (His blood counts were low last Wednesday so he's at a higher risk of infection).

Jessica came too. You can hear her calling, "boys... wait for me." We bumped into our friend riding his bike to school. I was able to chat with James about the wonderful books he would read as a 4th grader while Jacob RAN to the school.