WEDNESDAY

For nearly six months, Wednesday was a day to be dreaded. Jacob received his first chemo treatment in the hospital on Wednesday, August 6th. Each Wednesday came unwelcomedly with anxiety, fear, frustration, and drama. There was also the emotional blow to our family behind the scenes. Each of us on eggshells. The increased needs of our children for time, attention, and reassurance. Most kids have meltdowns, we had our routine share. But it became more than that. The drama was amped up. Our "normal routine" was sabotaged. And our sleep habits were doused.

Jacob was routinely in our room climbing in our bed or setting up camp on the floor. His kicking feet followed him along with his grating teeth. The constant grinding of enamel kept me up some nights. Other nights I was kept up because of guilt, anguish, plain insomnia, or intense (key part of that word being TENSE) overload. Jessica too found her way to our bedroom floor for slumber. Sometimes the two of them would step on each other. Eventually they staked claims to regions of the carpet. Jayson went through a teething phase and would wake in the middle of the night too. Perhaps he just didn't want to miss out on the festivities.

I'm just saying - we have been tired, worn out, and essentially on survival mode - practically removed from the rest of the world. I've had some sadness about that too.

One night I said to Jon, "do you ever think it will go back to a Wednesday night where we put the kids to bed and you and I stay up to watch Lost?"

I have been a faithful Lost fan since the first episode of season 1. I've ridden the uncertainties and twists whether I liked it or not. Waiting until JANUARY 2009 for the next season seems like forever for any big fan. I noted in my mind that if Jacob's counts stayed good, we would be finishing his chemotherapy around the time Lost came back on the air. Waiting until January while wading through a weekly chemotherapy protocol made it seem like it would be forever.

Like I've noted before - time keeps ticking. The same number of beats per minute whether its a moment that you want to hang on to forever or whether you need it to be over. The passing of time is constant in this world and because of that we've reached the end of chemotherapy. And the season premiere of Lost is on television.

I've never wanted "Wednesday" to be blamed for so much anxiety, tears, chaos, or sadness. Now in 2009 we are in a state to put the wonderful back into Wednesday. Today I announced that we would be taking a field trip. I had hoped to get outside and walk around the zoo, but the possibility of rain lingered. So we visited the California Science Center.

My children received no choices regarding destination or whether or not they would attend (sometimes it's just best when MOM is the boss). Jacob seemed to light up. He raced upstairs and COMBED & GELLED his hair. Yes, you heard me right. It kind of can swoop to one side.

Also, let's embrace Wednesday with snapshots. So, lots of less than perfect photos to follow that chronicle a slice of perfection on our Wonderful Wednesday:



There are two Kid Discovery Centers that made going with Jayson and Jessica very enjoyable. Jessica put on a little show for the studio cameras.


Jacob took a space shuttle for a spin. So did Jayson, but he dove off before we could snatch his picture. Jayson crawls at the Speed of Light. He's super fast.

Jessica was most interested in the "cute mice." See what kind of influence Cinderella & Enchanted movies have on our girls. I still thought they were a bit gross. I've seen them run threw our backyard before (a few years ago) - nothing cute about that.


I loved watching the boys with their tools. Jacob has always loved power tools - even if they were just battery powered. Jayson knew right what to do with the brightly colored plastic screws that dozens of kids have handled - put them in his mouth of course.



I was busy playing with Jayson while my big kids checked out the computer lab.


Jayson totally loved the chicks. It was fun to see him get excited. I think he'll be fun at the zoo also. The kids also learned about the heart and what healthy blood looks like. The picture was totally fuzzy, but it was fun to hear a volunteer talk about it.




Okay, so if you haven't been to the CA Science Center, you haven't had the chance to gaze up and see this:

The center itself is free. You pay $8 parking per vehicle. We added the expense of watching the Imax 3D movie called Wild Ocean. I find it thrilling to have dolphins swimming right in front of me. The Rose Garden Cafe has wonderful lunch options (I try to avoid the opposite corridor which is home to McDonalds). Jacob ate Taco Bell tacos. Jessica ate fruit. I enjoyed the Chipotle Chicken Wrap. Jayson ate a little bit of everything. He was so happy to be out and playing ALL Day.




No trip is complete without testing your strength. The kids can lift a truck with their pulley system.



It seems like my kids are ALWAYS drawn to the cement slabs. They always run along the wide balance beams - every time, never fails.


Yeah for Happy Wednesday!!!

Remember These - It's been ONE year

Dear Sweet Baby~

I remember it like it was yesterday... Meeting you was sheer joy. I've loved getting to know you this past year. I can't believe how much you've grown and how far we've come together.






Birthday cake pictures coming soon

AND don't give me grief about the long hair. We've been missing a lot of hair at our house. His is simply divine. As soon as I cut off those curls we'll lose them forever. Embrace the baby long locks.

Last Chemo Celebration

Today we celebrated with Jacob. He had his last dose of chemotherapy in his treatment protocol. The last day of chemo was just as hard on Jacob emotionally as the first. This is the first time that he had "makes-you-barf" chemo that he didn't throw up. After all the celebration cake, brother's birthday cake, goody bag treats, & pizza, I thought he'd throw up or feel sick for sure!!!

Like I said, the day was WAAAYYY hard on Jacob. I think it was extra hard because we all made a big deal out of it. AND it was extra hard because I gave him anxiety medicine to try to help, but the dose was off and he was all dizzy and wierded out. But I wanted this day to stand out when Jacob looks at his experiences in retrospect. He has braved this journey well.

A day or so before Friday, Jake came to me while I was preparing all the birthday parties and asked, "Are we going to have a celebration on Friday?" I told him that we should make it special. We had popper confetti, balloons, cake, & sparkly blower things (I thought they were horns, thankfully they weren't). I let him blow out a candle to make an end of chemo wish. I know what I wished for.

Jacob & I left the clinic while they were running his labs. We went out to lunch at Mimi's Cafe. He said to me, "This is a good day." I asked him why and he said, "It's a good day because it's the last day of chemo."

Jacob was happiest when he realized that we don't go to the clinic next week, or the week after that, or even the week after that. He has end of treatment scans on Feb 13th & 18th. He'll see his oncologist then too and do bloodwork and get his port flushed. It will probably be especially difficult to go back then.

Baby Jay is Growin' Up

I subscribe to BabyCenter updates. Each week they send an email usually titled, "My Baby at 3 months 2 weeks" or "My Baby at 11 months" etc. It helps me keep track of how old my baby is and lets me know what other babies are doing at his age. There's advice, sometimes a funny comic, links to several ads, advice from pediatricians etc. Today I opened my email and the update from them was entitled, "My Toddler This Week" WHAT!!???

The first paragraph went like this:

Your baby has hit the 1-year mark: Happy birthday! Many view the
first birthday as the toddler turning point. Others consider your baby a toddler
as soon as he starts walking — or, as the case may be, taking his first tentative
steps. However and whenever he crosses the line into toddlerhood, it's a bittersweet
transition — you miss your little baby even as you delight in your amazing child.

It is hard for me to let go of my Baby Jay and let Jayson be a little boy. There's so much that happens the first year. Jayson has been delightful. He started sleeping well early. He was a great eater - nursing and from the bottle - Mommy's milk or formula. He never developed stranger anxiety and he went to all my friends who watched over him while I was at the hospital or clinic. He would snuggle them, cling to their shirts, and smile for them. When I would return, he'd greet me with a smile to welcome me back.

He likes big people food and also eats tomatoes and olives that my other children won't touch. He is getting VERY close to taking those first big steps. He can unlatch the child gate, push aside the huge storage box in front of the staircase, and make it all the way upstairs to Jessica's Polly Pocket stash or Jacob's Lego sets. He always knows when the bathroom door is open and he enjoys splashing toilet water.

Jayson has been one that I can hold and snuggle after a difficult day. He loves being outside and seeing new things. My goal is to give him more time with Mommy outside.

I love you Jayson!!! Happy 1st Birthday!

BIG week at our house

This week is huge - lots going on - lots to celebrate - lots for me to remember.

MONDAY - Sign loan docs (just refinancing), dance class, get haircut for James

TUESDAY - No counseling (Jacob is going to start meeting with Liz every other week), craft store, Park, Preschool carpool, Cub Scouts, BASKETBALL PRACTICE (James is joining a team for the season).

WEDNESDAY - Formerly Clinic Day, but I'm not sure this week - probably all the boring stuff: scrub toilets, laundry, etc. Or maybe go back to Foot Doctor to get my orthotics that had to be remade. Maybe I could bake the cakes early and freeze them.

THURSDAY - After 5 long months, I'm getting my hair done. Not sure about the cut, but I'll definitely be blonder. Physical Therapy (we're supposed to go twice per week, but I just can't take another appointment. Jacob goes for his hands and feet and I go for my planter fasciitis).

FRIDAY - LAST CHEMO followed seven hours later with a hopeful last round of vomit. Jacob will still have to face monthly port access (to flush the line) & eventually a surgery to remove his port. We will wait at least 3 months after end of treatment scans.

SATURDAY - Get to Know You Breakfast at the church for my kids and their new primary teachers, James' first basketball game, AND Cosmic Bowling Party for Jame's 10th Birthday!!!! I'm hoping I can find a sitter so Jon & I can get away for dinner too.

SUNDAY - Happy 1st Birthday Baby Jayson & Happy Big 10 to James. We'll need to have our family celebration and Jayson's first cake. I also need to schedule photo shoots of my guys. I can't believe my baby is a year old.

I'm filled with a rainbow of emotions: chaos, excitement, celebration, anxiety, sleeplessness, sadness, pride, hope, etc. AND tons of tension in my neck & shoulders.

So I created a Wordle - this is about how all the events look floating around my mind:



You can make your own at: http://www.wordle.net/create

Baby Jay - 9 months

My baby turns 1 year in a week. I can't believe that it's already time to get this swift moving baby out on a photo shoot.

Baby Jake's Hairline

Do you see what I mean about the hairline? Also, doesn't this photo remind you about how much I HATE my old couches?

Lil' Chef

Jayson was so happy to find a drawer that didn't have a child lock on it. He sorted through all my recipes that I don't use regularly. He found several that I ought to consider trying sometime soon.

On the Move

Our weather lately has granted us some opportunities to wear sweaters and fleece jackets. Last Sunday I let Jayson crawl around the backyard. But I didn't want him to wear holes in his cords, so he was exploring in bare legs. It's tough to get this guy to look anywhere towards a camera because he is so interested in all the trinkets in our backyard. He's on the move. Inside he likes to push the kitchen chairs around the tile like a walker. He scoots along furniture. I think he'll come close to hitting the target of walking at a year.

Doesn't he have the coolest red hair?!!! I really have no plans of cutting it soon. It is so curly when he comes out of the tub.

New Hair for the New Year

Fact is that my boy has as much hair as any other boy with a buzz cut. His eyebrows are still filling in. It's still quite fine and extremely soft; softer than infant hair. Seeing his hairline so clearly reminds me when he was a baby. All the hair grows forward until it kicks up with the "V"-shaped cowlicks.

In other news, it appears that Jon is going to keep on shaving his head. Should he choose to regrow his hair, he's not likely to get as thick a mane as Jacob.